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Posts tagged ‘grief’

A must-read about grief

I came across this article today, and I believe it is imperative  we share this with everyone we can. …

For everyone’s  emotional well being…

I am compelled to share it here, in its entirety only because so many times when I’ve shared a great read, so often it disappears and is lost.
So, I’ve posted the whole article here and hopefully won’t be lost…

Original post from here: http://m.huffpost.com/us/entry/1024302

Stifled Grief: How the West Has It Wrong

 Jun 03, 2016 | Updated Jun 07, 2016

Michelle E. Steinke Founder/CEO – One Fit Widow, My 1 Fit Life, Live the Life

PESKYMONKEY VIA GETTY IMAGES

After nearly seven years of personal experience surrounding loss, I can tell who is going to read, share and comment on this article and it’s not necessarily the audience I’ve intended. Those who have walked the horrific road of loss will shake their collective heads “Yes” at many of my points below and share with pleads for the rest of the Western World to read, learn, evolve and embrace these concepts. Unfortunately, my words will fall short for my intended audience because the premise does not yet apply to their lives…yet. In time, my words will resonate with every human on the face of this earth, but until a personal journey with loss takes place, my words will be passed over in exchange for articles about gorillas and fights over public bathroom usage.

There is nothing sexy or exciting about grief.

There is nothing that grabs a reader with no personal interest to open my words and take heed to my writing.

http://m.huffpost.com/_uac/2014adpage.html

AdChoices

I’m here to say that the West has the concept of grieving all wrong.

I’d like to point out that we are a culture of emotionally stunted individuals who are scared of our mortality and have mastered the concept of stuffing our pain. Western society has created a neat little “grief box” where we place the grieving and wait for them to emerge fixed and whole again. The grief box is small and compact, and it comes full of expectations like that range from time frames to physical appearance. Everyone who has been pushed into the grief box understands it’s confining limitations, but all of our collective voices together can’t seem to change the intense indignation of a society too emotionally stifled to speak the truth. It’s become easier to hide our emotional depth than to reveal our vulnerability and risk harsh judgment. When asked if we are alright, it’s simpler to say yes and fake a smile then, to be honest, and show genuine human emotion.

Let me share below a few of the expectations and realities that surround grief for those who are open to listening. None of my concepts fit into societies grief box and despite the resounding amount of mutual support by the grieving for what I write below, many will discount my words and label us as “stuck” or “in need of good therapy.” I’m here to say those who are honest with the emotions that surround loss are the ones who are the least “stuck” and have received the best therapy around. You see, getting in touch with our true feelings, embracing the honest emotions of death only serve to expand the heart and allow us to move forward in a genuine and honest way. Death happens to us all so let’s turn the corner and embrace the truth behind life after loss.

Expectation: Grief looks a certain way in the early days. Tears, intense sadness, and hopelessness.

Reality: Grief looks different for every single person. Some people cry intensely, and some don’t cry at all. Some people break down, and others stand firm. There is no way to label what raw grief looks like as we all handle our loss in different ways due to different circumstances and various life backgrounds that shape who we are.

Expectation: The grieving need about a year to heal.

Reality: Sometimes grief does not even get started till after the first year. I’ve heard countless grieving people say year two is harder than year one. There is the shock, end of life arrangements and other business matters that often consume the first year and the grieving do not have the time actually to sit back and take the time to grieve. The reality is there is no acceptable time frame associated with grief.

Expectation: The grieving will need you most the first few weeks.

Reality: The grieving are flooded with offers of help the first few weeks. In many cases, helping the grieving six months or a year down the line can be far more helpful because everyone has returned to their lives and the grief stricken are left to figure it out alone.

Expectation: The grieving should bury the dead forever. After a year, it is uncomfortable for the grieving to speak of their lost loved one. If they continue to talk about them, they are stuck in their grief and need to “move on.”

Reality: The grieving should speak of the dead forever if that’s what they wish to do. When someone dies, that does not erase the memories you made, the love you shared and their place in your heart. It is not only okay to speak of the dead after they are gone, but it’s also a healthy and peaceful way to move forward.

Expectation: For the widowed – If you remarry you shouldn’t speak of your lost loved one otherwise you take away from your new spouse.

Reality: You never stop loving what came before, and that does not in any way lessen the love you have for what comes after. When you lose a friend – you don’t stop having friends, and you love them all uniquely. If you lose a child and have another, the next child does not replace or diminish the love you had for the first. If you lose a spouse, you are capable of loving what was and loving what is….one does not cancel out or minimize the next. Love expands the heart, and it’s okay to honor the past and embrace the future.

Expectation: Time heals all wounds.

Reality: Time softens the impact of the pain, but you are never completely healed. Rather than setting up false expectations of healing let’s talk about realistic expectations of growth and forward movement. Grief changes who you are at the deepest levels and while you may not forever be in an active mode of grief you will forever be shaped by the loss you have endured.

Expectation: If you reflect on loss beyond a year you are “stuck.”

Reality: Not a day goes by where I am not personally affected by my loss. Seeing my children play sports, looking at my son who is the carbon copy of his Dad or hearing a song on the radio or smell in the air. Loss because part of who you are and even though I don’t choose to dwell on grief it has a way of sneaking in now and again even when I’m most in love with life at the current moment. It’s not because we dwell or focus, and it’s not because we don’t make daily choices to move forward. It’s because we loved and we lost, and it touches us for the remainder of our days in the most profound ways.

Expectation: When you speak of the dead you make the griever sad, so it’s best not to bring them up.

Reality: When we talk about our lost loved one we are often happy and filled with joy. My loss was six and a half years ago and to this day, my late husband is one of my favorite people to talk and hear about. Hearing his name makes me smile and floods my mind with happy memories of a life well lived. It makes the grieving sadder when everyone around them refuses to say their name. Forgetting they existed is cruel and a perfect example of our stifled need to fix the unfixable.

Expectation: If you move forward you never loved them or conversely if you don’t move forward you never loved them.

Reality: The grieving need to do what is right for them, and nobody knows what that is except the person going through it.

Expectation: It’s time to “move on.”

Reality: There is no moving on – there is only moving forward. From the time death touches our lives we move forward, in fact, we are not given a choice but to move forward. However, we never get to a place where the words move on resonate. The words “move on” have a negative connotation to the grieving. They suggest a closure that is nonexistent and a fictitious door we pass through.

Expectation: Grief is a linear process and a series of steps to be taken. Each level is neatly defined and the order predetermined.

Reality: Grief is an ugly mess full of pitfalls, missteps, sinking, and swimming. Like a game of shoots and ladders, you never know when the board might pull you back and send you down the ladder screaming at the top of your lungs. Just when you think you’ve arrived at the finish, you draw a card that sends you back to start and just when it appears you’ve lost the game you jump ahead and come one step closer to the front of the line.

Expectation: The grieving should seek professional forms of counseling exclusively.

Reality: The grieving should seek professional forms of counseling but also the grieving should look strongly towards alternative modes of therapy like fitness, art, music, meditation, journaling and animal therapy. The grieving should take an “active” part in their grief process and understand that coping comes in many different forms for all the different people who walk this earth.

Expectation: The grieving either live in the past or the present. IT is not possible to have a multitude of emotions.

Reality: The grieving live their lives with intense moments of duality. Moments of incredible happiness mixed with feelings of deep sadness. There is a depth of emotion that forever accompany those who have lived with a loss. That duality can cause constant reflection, and a deeper appreciation of all life has to offer.

Expectation: The grieving should be able to handle business as usual within a few weeks.

Reality: The brain of a grieving person can be in a thick fog, especially for those who have experienced extreme shock, for more than a year. Expect forgetfulness, a reduced ability to handle stress and grayness to be commonplace after a loss.

I’ve just scratched the surface above on the many areas where grief is misunderstood in our society.

One hundred percent of the people who walk this earth will deal with death. Each of us will experience the passing of someone close that we love or our personal morality. It is about time we open up the discussion around death, dying and grief and stop the stigma that surrounds our common bond. Judgment, time frames, and neat little grief boxes have no place in the reality that surrounds loss. Western culture asks us to suppress our pain, stuff our emotions and restrain our cries. Social media has given many who grieve the opportunity to open up dialogue, be vulnerable on a large scale level and take the combined heat that comes with that honesty. As a whole, society does not want to hear or accept that grief stays with us in some capacity for the rest of our lives. Just like so many other aspects of our culture, we want to hear there is a quick fix, a cure-all, a pill or a healthy dose of “get over it” to be handed out discreetly and dealt with quietly.

The reality is you will grieve in some capacity for the rest of your life. Once loss touches you-you are forever changed despite what society tells you. Stop looking at the expectations of an emotionally numbed society as your threshold and measuring stick for success. Instead, turn inward and look at the vulnerable reality of a heart that knows the truth about loss. With your firsthand knowledge escape the grief box and run out screaming truth as you go. If we make enough noise maybe someday societies warped expectation will shift to align with reality.

 

Grapefruit Essential Oil Facts and Uses – always a favorite!

I love that grapefruit is wonderful for mind, body and spirit…

Grapefruit essential oil is one of my faves, and for good reason, not only is it a sunshiny, happy scent- it is great for a multitude of purposes, from aiding in weight loss to heart and emotional problems– grapefruit is perfect for aiding in ‘letting go’ and the ‘release’ of whatever ails you.

Most citrus essential oils are cold pressed and have a fresh, sweet, and bright scent.

Some traditional uses:

  • release
  • as it is slightly euphoric; it lifts melancholy
  • relieves muscle fatigue,
  • as an astringent for oily skin,
  • refreshes and energizes the body,
  • stimulates detoxification, (also great for anti-cellulite blends!)
  • can also be used as an airborne disinfectant

Emotional profile:

  • for use with self-doubt, feelings of worthlessness,
  • aid in dealing with criticism,
  • aids in release from dependency, frustration and grief

Blends very well with:

  • tangerine
  • neroli,
  • lemon,
  • palmarosa,
  • bergamot,
  • rosemary,
  • cardamon,
  • geranium,
  • lavender
  • cypress

READ my article on Yahoo! all about grapefruit with: grapefruit facts, grapefruit recipes,  about and benefits of grapefruit essential oil, grapefruit color codes for html, grapefruit cake and frosting recipes, and much more grapefruit!

Aura Cacia describes grapefruit’s history best:

The origin of the grapefruit poses a bit of a botanical mystery. Its appearance and flavor indicate that it’s a hybrid between a large, sour citrus fruit called the shaddock (Citrus maxima) and the sweet orange (Citrus sinensis). No records of any deliberate hybridization between the two plants have been found. Grapefruits share characteristics of both fruits: in a ripe grapefruit the tart flesh of the shaddock is tempered with the juicy sweetness of the orange. Surveys of citrus populations in the Old World and Asia haven’t been able to confirm the presence of any native-growing grapefruit trees. Similar searches in the West Indies, however, have uncovered many populations of apparently naturally growing grapefruit. It’s a puzzling question whether the grapefruit was deliberately bred or emerged as a spontaneous hybrid in some old Caribbean citrus grove.

The modern American grapefruit growing industry developed in Florida in the mid-1800s. Many of the early varieties of fruit resemble their wild-growing cousins in that they’re smaller and contain many seeds. More recent hybrids are bred for appearance and size. The shelf-appeal and seedlessness of varieties developed for the fresh fruit market have been bred at the expense of flavor. Because the older varieties are often superior in taste and juiciness, they are used to make grapefruit juice. The extraction of the essential oil is a by-product of the juicing process.

The grapefruit’s essential oil glands are deeply imbedded in the flavedo, the outer peel of the fruit. The thick, spongy white layer of the peel is known as the albedo. The albedo will absorb and decrease the yield of essential oil if the two layers aren’t carefully separated before extraction. This separation is done by machines that roll and scrape the flavedo away from the fruit before it goes on to be juiced. The abraded flavedo forms a wet, pulpy mass that’s put in a centrifuge, where the oil is separated from the solids. The solids can then be pressed for additional oil. The extracted oil is filtered and bottled.

Using this method of extraction, a ton of fresh fruit will produce 1.5 pounds of essential oil. A much more substantial yield of 25 pounds of essential oil could be obtained if the peels were chopped and steam distilled, but steam distillation destroys the delicate, sweet-smelling constituents of the fresh peel. The quality of this oil would be unsuitable, especially for aromatherapy purposes.

Aura Cacia: https://www.auracacia.com/auracacia/aclearn/eo_grapefruit.html

Capillary Gas Chromatography and Carbon-13 NMR Spectroscopy

.38% alpha-Pinene .42% Sabinene .02% beta-Pinene 1.37% Myrcene .02% para-Cymene 83.40% Limonene .01% gamma-Terpinene .62% Octanal .07% Nonanal .40% Decanal .02% Dodecanal .04% alpha-Terpineol .09% Citronellal .04% Neral .06% Geranial .06% Carvone .24% beta-Caryophyllene .10% Nootkatone .01% (Z)-3-Hexenol .09% 1-Octanol .01% (E)-2-Hexenal .01% Ethyl butyrate.01% Valencene

Some Places Where You Can Buy Grapefruit Essential Oil

whether you like white grapefruit, pink grapefruit, from overseas, or right here in Florida, you can find grapefruit essential oil quite easily.

 The Glory of Grapefruit essential oil, and grapefruit recipes,

Yahoo Contributor Content closed, full article below:
There’s nothing like the divine scent or taste of the tangy sweetness of a juicy grapefruit. Grapefruit essential oil is one of my faves, and for good reason–not only is it a sunshiny, happy scent, it is great for a multitude of purposes; from aiding in weight loss, to heart and emotional problems. Grapefruit is perfect for aiding in ‘letting go’ and the ‘release’ of whatever ails you.

Of the many claims that have been made concerning grapefruit, some mention that grapefruit can affect everything from aiding weight loss- boosting immunity and lifting spirits–to fighting cancer and even heart issues. Just be aware that Harvard online said that grapefruit can interact with many medications; (see this table which lists some of the most important along with related drugs that are less likely to be influenced).

Though they may vary in color, they don’t much stray too far in their properties:

  • Ruby Red Grapefruit- deep red, deepest fruity aroma,
  • White Grapefruit – yellow in color and crisp citrus aroma,
  • Rose Grapefruit – pink/orange color and both crisp and fruity.

Grapefruit also happens to be one of my f avorite essential oil scents of the citrus oils . Not that I don’t adore the many other citrus scents like; tangerine, lemon, orange, yuzu, mandarin, kumquat, key lime…I could go on all day. I just love all citrus, and grapefruit is so bright/snappy/happy– I couldn’t imagine life without it.
About grapefruit essential oil- Aura Cacia:

The extraction of the essential oil is a by-product of the juicing process.

The grapefruit’s essential oil glands are deeply imbedded in the flavedo, the outer peel of the fruit. The thick, spongy white layer of the peel is known as the albedo. The albedo will absorb and decrease the yield of essential oil if the two layers aren’t carefully separated before extraction. This separation is done by machines that roll and scrape the flavedo away from the fruit before it goes on to be juiced. The abraded flavedo forms a wet, pulpy mass that’s put in a centrifuge, where the oil is separated from the solids. The solids can then be pressed for additional oil. The extracted oil is filtered and bottled.

Using this method of extraction, a ton of fresh fruit will produce 1.5 pounds of essential oil. A much more substantial yield of 25 pounds of essential oil could be obtained if the peels were chopped and steam distilled, but steam distillation destroys the delicate, sweet-smelling constituents of the fresh peel. The quality of this oil would be unsuitable, especially for aromatherapy purposes.

Travel with smiles:

Grapefruit essential oil is the perfect pick-me-up, especially when blended with tangerine, and is an instant mood enhancer. This could reduce accidents, and even help with road rage. Try a blend of 5 drops grapefruit essential oil, and 5 drops of tangerine essential oil in a car diffuser or 20 drops each (grapefruit and tangerine essential oil) in a 4 oz spray bottle , then fill with purified or distilled water, shake and spray….sunshine smiles in a bottle.

Speaking of sunshine smiles, what else makes you smile? Did you say cupcakes? I hadn’t had a cupcake in forever, and I’m sure that it probably would have been better to just eat the grapefruit , but I couldn’t help myself, so grapefruit cupcakes it had to be.

Of course I had to tweak the recipes, I can never just make anything exactly as written. LOL. So I decided to combine three different recipes into one: Orange Chiffon Cake, Golden Cupcakes, and then threw in a little of the Golden Layer Cake recipe, and topped it off with buttercream frosting – and of course added grapefruit juice and zest. Oh yeah. Cupcakes with a twang.

Grapefruit Cupcakes with Buttercream Grapefruit Frosting

CAKE INGREDIENTS:

10 TBL (1 stick + 1/4 stick) unsalted butter softened
2 cups (about 9 oz) cake or all purpose flour
1 cup sugar
1/3 cup brown sugar (most recipes called for only white sugar, but I had to sub. a little brown sugar!)
4 eggs
1 TBL grated grapefruit zest
1 cup sour cream
3 TBL grapefruit juice (fresh squeezed)
1/4 tsp. salt
1 1/2 tsp. baking soda

Set oven to 350 degrees. Put muffin/cupcake papers to fill two cupcake/muffin tins. Cream butter, 3 – 4 min. Gradually add sugars, and cream together until light. Beat in eggs one at a time, add zest, juice, sour cream. Sift together salt, soda and flour, and stir into batter until smooth. Use an ice-cream scoop to place batter into papers. Bake for 20 min. Cool. Then frost with buttercream grapefruit frosting.

Buttercream Grapefruit Frosting
1 stick unsalted butter (8 TBL) softened
4 cups confectioners’ sugar
1 tsp. vanilla extract
2-3 TBL. fresh squeezed grapefruit juice
1 TBL grapefruit zest
Cream butter, add remainder of ingredients and beat well. Adjust with confectioners’ sugar if too thin, or more grapefruit juice if it’s too thick. Frost cupcakes after cooling.

Want to know how to make Candied Grapefruit Peel: for the top? Click here. .

Enjoy!

MORE GRAPEFRUIT!

And in case you’re looking for grapefruit color palette html codes try here, or here.

Or if you’d like to paint your room grapefruit try one of these Sherwin Williams colors.

Had enough of grapefruit yet? If not…see my blog post here.
See resources for more information on the glory of grapefruit.
RESOURCES & More Reading:

Harvard.edu/grapefruit and medications

my blog post about grapefruit; https://yellowstaressentials.wordpress.com/2011/10/20/grapefruit-essential-oil/

Aura Cacia

Grapefruit search on Yahoo Voices

Grapefruit Benefits

Grapefruit Essential Oil ~ Aura Cacia

Grapefruit Essential Oil Facts & Uses

Search for grapefruit on YellowstarEssentials WordPress blog

Grapefruit color codes for html

Candied Grapefruit peel recipe (and triple grapefruit cupcake recipe with pics)



List of Essential Oils for Specific Emotions

essential oils for emotional well being

Emotions: and what kind of Essential Oils to use to either enhance or subdue them;

Emotions are part of who we are as humans. We are emotional beings. And many of our imbalances and things that make us sick are caused from emotional imbalances. In other words,  our emotions can make us sick.

Essential oils are natural gifts we have access to that can aid our recoveries and help to bring holistic balance and well-being into our lives. Use this list wisely, and note whenever you are feeling these emotions to add some of the corresponding essential oils into your day, you will definitely feel better!

READ the rest of my Associated Content article here

see also:

Natural Holistic Remedies for Anxiety, Stress and Depression ALTERNATIVES to PROZAC, VALIUM & RITALIN

and

Can Essential Oils Help with Depression & Anxiety? Using Aromatherapy as a Mood Regulator

Essential Oils that can Aid Emotional and Abuse Issues

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